If this is the life why does it feel so good to die today?

I used to write to try and chronicle my life, to try and stop from forgetting all the little details that so MAKE a moment. I used to write to vent. But then I felt obligated to record everything that happened to me, and it got boring. So I stopped writing at all. And now... Well fuck it. Ill write whatever I feel like writing. I have to get over my phobia of forgetting. I think im so scared of forgetting because if I can forget something it means that people can forget me. And that's my true fear. Logically the two have nothing to do with each other, but I am not as logical as I would like myself to be.