love will tear us apart again

gahhh. last year i had no friends except one who ended up being in love with me and this year i have changed schools, got over alot of my social anxiety and am now surrounded by the best people in my life. i love them more then life itself, they are the kind of people you will always remember... just because of how much you love each other, and amazingly THEY LIKE ME TOO (:D) anyhow, off topic.... uh... oh yeah.

" you guys are enough to keep me alive, but not enough for me to live happily"

and even brandon, who makes me more incredibly happy then i ever have been isnt enough. tonight we were saying goodbye, kissing under the stars and he said:

BRANDON: thank you ( i found him a place to stay for the night because he ran away from home)

MONA: you dont need to say thanks

BRANDON: yes i do

MONA: no you dont, i would do anything for you

BRANDON: no you wouldnt, you wont promise to stay alive forever, i love you so fucking much, if i didnt have anything to come back to that first week i ran away i would of killed myself (as in not kill myself)

and... yeah. it just got me thinking of stuff, like i love them so much but it wont ever be enough and it kills me, because as much as i thrive in my own misery i would do anything for it to be enough and to actually want it to be enough... get it?

ahhh and brandon is another thing, his family is so fucked its incredible... like i dont want to discriminate BUT... his parents are mormons, and are like THE most judgemental, heartless sons of bitches EVER!! they trash all his music, movies and his FUCKING SELF ESTEEM!!! BECAUSE OF YOU HE NEEDS TO TAKE MEDICATION EVERY DAY JUST SO HE WONT KILL HIMSELF!! YOU ARE A BAD PARENT, FACE IT!! YOUR FIRST SON IS A DRUG DEALER AND YOUR SECOND SON IS DEPRESSED AND FUCKED IN THE HEAD, YOU FUCKERS!!

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